Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Promised Myself I Was Done With This

Fuck Twitter, fuck Facebook and fuck my ability to read, because without those three contributing factors, I might have talked myself out of wading knee-deep into the cesspool of internet blogging. Fine, fuck it... I'm weak. I'll just have to accept that.

For my first trick, some ground rules. This blog is subject to moderation based on my own personal opinions of what is and is not fucked up. Comment all you want. Sub, don't sub, whatever floats your boat. I'm doing this for me, not for you. Comments I find horrifying, wrong, criminal or trollish won't get a warning... they'll just be moderated appropriately. Childish? Maybe, but fuck you. This is my goddamn blog, and last I checked I'm not coming into your house telling you how and where to shit, so you don't get to be pissy about how I choose to run this motherfucker.

If you like what I have to say, agree with an opinion, or otherwise want to throw up a fist and yell 'Hell Yeah!'... great. Glad I could do that for ya. Alternately, if you don't like what I have to say, disagree with an opinion or otherwise want to punch me in the face... great. Sorry I'm not your cup of tea. In either case, you two fuckers don't get to steal my goddamn lime light by acting like assholes on my blog and breaking into a flame war. There are forums for that. This ain't the place.

For my next trick, I'll introduce myself. My name is Patrick, (AKA: 'KreepyKritter', KK or 'You Fucking Asshole'), I'm 30 years old, and I'm the sore fucking thumb. I'm a religious person who hangs out in skeptic communities. I'm the guy who accepts the theory of Evolution as true, and also believes that mechanism was put in motion intentionally. I'm the dirty fucker that neither side of the Evolution Argument likes. I'd call it a debate, but that would require it to be intelligent. I'm the guy who knows what vaccines are, what their purpose is, and that they're not dangerous in the slightest (short term), but who still refuses to get the stupid fucking flu shot, because it's ineffective, and hinders the ability of the human immune system to adapt to new strains. I'm an equal opportunity asshole. If you're a guy and you're being a stupid prick, I'm going to call you a stupid prick. Alternately, if your a chick (deal with it) and you're being a dumb cunt... I'm going to call you a dumb cunt.

This brings me to the stupid shit that made starting up my first blog in 10 years sound like a good idea...


This 'open letter' was the snowball that got me rolling. I'm not going to reference it further, because I've read it and if you're still reading this I imagine you have too. If you haven't, go ahead and take a moment. It's okay. I'll wait...
Done? Great, let's move on.

Little did I know that, prior to the writing, there'd been a bit of a dust-up over the choice of humor being used among skeptics. And by 'bit' I of course mean that the blog-o-sphere damn near vapor-locked and imploded in on itself. Outside of that context, it reads like the young woman who penned it simply wanted to convey to her friends that she loved and accepted them for all their strengths and faults, and didn't see anything wrong with them, or anything that needed to change about them or their local community. Great message, right? I mean... I KNOW I'm an asshole. I admit it... if you missed it, scroll up and then get your ass back down here so we can move on. Knowing that I'm an asshole, and that, despite that fact, there are people who enjoy that about me is validating. It's nice. It's humanizing. It makes me feel valued, even though I can be abrasive and irritating.

Notice what I said... Asshole. Let me clarify that term a bit, so we're all on the same page. An asshole (by my definition) is some one who says the shit that the majority of the people around them are already thinking, but wouldn't dare say because of... whatever. IE: Fat guy walks past you wearing bicycle shorts, an Asshole might make the following observation, "Whoa... I suppose he must be testing the tenisle strength of spandex". Is it rude? Yes. Is it in poor taste? Absolutely! Did everyone nearby probably just have a similar thought? Of course. They were just too polite to say it out loud.

There's poor taste, and then there's down right inappropriate. Jokes that make violence against another person sound okay are inappropriate. Jokes that point out widely accepted stereotypes are funny -- many Irish people drink too much, many Jewish people are cheap, most fat people eat too much, many black people listen to rap and many white people in the South are ignorant fucks. These are stereotypes that are funny because they're true. Jokes that involve dicks, cunts, boobs or the word 'Fuck' ... those are funny. Finally, jokes about rape... well... If you find rape funny, you can go die in a fucking fire.

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